When all you ever wish for is for them not to be hungry or tired or lonely or confused or mistreated or neglected or pressured or used or without you and all you see is those very things in their next fee steps... The agony is immense that you don't know how to approach the calamity.

Pain like no other...

Sometimes even people are substituted by others not because they mean more than another or because they are blood relation but because of the simple reason that you haven't been hurt by them and no other reason than that is enough an safe.

Sometimes when you are just completely exhausted and have no other choice than to not care because every other feeling at this time is just too difficult to bear

At this time, when I absolutely have noone to turn to, the lone rescuer is never far to be the receiptant of the anger the hurt the pain the confusion and just stand faithfully to observe the meltdown and be compassionate and wise enough to remain silent and soft when I have neither quiet or reason in my fits... And weakness and vulnerability is all I can muster through the pain

Day 56 feb 25 to Day 62 march 2

I hired my other nephew, Aaron. I am truly excited with all the new changes at work. I may hate it and be burned out in a year, but for now I am loving it.

Day 50 Feb 19th time to finish or start this kitchen

I was very apprehensive and honestly terrified to begin this project but once I started and had the help of my family it was actually very simple.  I know the product, I know the method, and I now transformations well.. here goes. :)

day49 feb 18 saturday

I feel to lazy to do anything...especially waking up...

day 48 feb 17 Friday live !!!

what a crew - DFC training teAM is amazing!!!

Day 47 feb 16 a good day

I am so thankful for Robin, she is my closest friend in rank and title and I appreciate her support, guidance, and above all her friendship

Day 46 feb 15 I wanted to cry today

I wanted to just sit down and cry today. Somedays the stress of responsibility has a way to tear you down and break you up.

I really wanted to have a good cry unfortunately you are just too busy..


Today my patience, loyalty, and integrity has been tested.


Happy for my homegirl as she seems to be working her own deal out. Happy she finally is confident and able to stand on her feet and see the importance of knowing and going for what you want.

Day 46 feb 15 caught up and ready I think I hope

I actually caught up today and see Zac incredibly responsible. Working on the openings in my office.

Day45 feb 14 omg I feel better

I have always said you never truly appreciated how we take for granted feeling good until you feel sick... I gave no clue was has happened in the last week... It's all been a fog...

I must continue to appreciate heslth

Day 44 feb 13 Monday UGH

I'm still sick. Yes still. I want our live date to go smooth. I can't believe I still feel this bad. I keep telling myself that today I will go to dr but I'm too busy.

day 43 feb 12 im down for the count

i have been miserable all day.  I couldnt finish my kitchen as I had planned.  I felt the need to rest and get better. This week I go Live on DentalVision and chartless, I am excited and looking forward to getting it done.

  Zac has been incredibly responsible and hardworking. 

Day 38 feb 7 I am running behind at work and I am not freaking out

Okay I'm really freaking out. So I really think I am getting set up today.  I need to have everything prepared.

Day 25 January 25 have fun at work and enjoy your day

Recognize, empathize, and Apologize when needed. I have a great team. Is the stress of numbers affecting the real reason- the people.

.

these guys are such pranksters...

Got my hair straightened this afternoon.

day 42 feb 11 Project kitchen in full swing Project life too

                                                 What a sad loss today

My gorgeous niece Peyton came to visit

Project Life

Day 41 Feb 10th TGIF

Day 40 Feb 9th I clearly see where I rank

Day 39 feb 8th a challenging day but worth it

My day has become even more occupied. More managing more posting more frantic - what do to and keep everyone happy? moments in my day. But the satisfaction has been the reward. The challenge the ego boost.

On top of all this I believe that in 3 weeks I can accomplish a task of transforming my kitchen into my new favorite room balancing budget and tasks....hmmm can I do it?

The kids are juggling their chores, school, friendships, and each other as best as they can. Their phones have been upgraded and both are excited. My girl has recently started snuggling more and sneaking into and... willing complying to my request to come "sleepy" with me. Oh how I love these feelings.

Read daily text. Officially started my project life and content that I can incorporate my style and stuff with the projects own.

Oh did I mention I am sick again. Really, seriously?!!!

Here I go another sleepless night which I will feel in a couple hours...

Neil med nasal stuff I truly thank you for clearing me up. Literally.

Day 37 feb 6 I feel like poop

I'm here kicking and making it but I do not feel good

Day 36 feb 5 thank you almighty for days of rest and worship

So I took the sick hubby to the urgent care yesterday and today I wake up feeling like poop.

I spent the am paying bills and making a to-do list for the house.

Day 35 Saturday up and at em

Getting things done early... I haven't seen an early Saturday morning in months. It's usually my

the day it all paid off

It wasn't promised to me but now I wasn't cowering at the option.

my only moment of doubt

The single moment of doubt I had yesterday. I will admit it, I was flying high all day. Feeling empowered, feeling rewarded, feeling confident, finally the moment of recognition and appreciation. Then all of sudden this single twitter post made me quiver in doubt for about 5 minutes.

  All of sudden I felt like Bella in New Moon, when Edward callously tells her. "I don't want you to come" and,,,,, she responds in a small voice, "You don't". The camera shot is perfect, it goes close and makes her seem small and helpless. I relived that whole scene from the confident, "I'm coming" to the defensiveless, doubtful girl who just realized everything she believed in, everything she was so sure of was suddenly the complete opposite. Her response in defense to the little bit of pride left in her is "well that changes everything". The whole scene staged perfectly, the camera looks up to a glowing, stern faced Edward and the goes down and dark to emphasize the depth of feeling and difference between both, it was clear who was in control and who wasn't. Who was the stronger one and who was left out in the cold. I was in pain as I heard my heart doubting my brain and felt Edward attempting to convince me of something whether i knew it i may not be so.

For about 5 minutes I felt this way. I was driving my familiar trip home but instantly felt like walls were caving in and I was literally gasping in doubt. I questioned myself..."oh boy, did I make the right choice?". Have I not just read Jon Acuff's Quitter book. Have I not been listening to how to go from your day-job to your dream job. Come on! Was this not the cue? the tap on the shoulder, the heavens opening up and saying...here it is... the almighty One himself saying..."Here it is, your golden opportunity". Have I not been rambling on and about every single Dave Ramsey podcast about EntreLeadership and Jim Collins from GOOD TO GREAT. Did I just make a big mistake? ... Then one simple fact reminded me that I had done the right thing. Jon Acuff declined a job opportunity from Dave Ramsey on 3 occasions because he was well aware that the proposition that was given, though an excellent opportunity was not exactly where he wanted "to be" at that moment. By taking the position at that time he was sacrificing what truly his "dream" was to be. My reasoning mirrored his words, it's Not that I would not absolutely love to be where the opportunity offered to me, but it undetermined factor of what exactly what my ROLE would be at the place I would love to be was not clear. It's the whole package. It's the clearly defined role that makes us excellent in our goals. Its what we use our experience and harness our passion to develop our dream and perfect our dream job. If i am trying to perfect someone else goals and have the skills to perfect that for them, then I have achieved their goals, NOT my own.

I was presented with an beautiful opportunity and when I say beautiful I mean "a dream come true". The decision to be made was immensely impacting, but the consequence of one choice was completely unknown. I ask myself was I a coward? Or realistic? I am a dreamer, surpassing a challenge is my middle name.

So why did i choose the way I did? Sometimes the red clay dirt is better to play in than being surprised days later with the poison ivy rash that lurks amongst the tall green luscious grass. I'm a country girl from Georgia I've known both my whole life. Jim Collins says decision should be totally based on the information gathered, the more information the more your choice will be based on facts, rather than emotion. I based my decision on facts, not emotions.

Day 34 Feb 3 Friday oh how I love thee at 1pm

All of a sudden that sore thumb that stood out a couple days was so evident I was even more convinced I made the right choice.

Fridays at 1pm are a happy time. Yes every other Friday is a breath of fresh air due to more reasons than others but this Friday was especially significant and dually gratifying.

It hadn't been an easy day, no! by all means. We had two emergencies. Two worse case scenarios and back up after back up. But we all survived we and no one left injured.

It was a great Friday.

Day 33 feb 2 the call that change the course of things

One call made to me and a call that I had to make someone.

I heard a warm voice with the invitation of more frequent conversations and apologies of not taking prior note to this matter. I got a choice and my decision being considered rather than being given a verdict.

I was humbled and glorified in the same conversation. I need to value my worth and know it without a doubt, not just because it is being reminded to me by someone else.

I stated that I had appreciated the offer but i had a clearly defined role where i stood at this moment and that the timing and unknown where the only factors that made the choice unacceptable. Maybe our paths would cross again someday.

Day 32 Wednesday, Feb1 finding my worth or settling

You should never undermine your worth and most definitely never wait on the value someone gives you.

The day seemed miserable as I felt I would have to dodge one call until I received another call that would determine the outcome. I felt unappreciated and almost disrespected.

I wanted to forewarn someone that a probable encounter may arise and wanted to ensure an appropriate response. Once I was certain that the encounter would not take place I kept the details ambivalent which was the wisest choice.

I prepared my letter and wanted to spitefully send it, something reminded me of the grace of others who have lost far more and even then never heeded to a lower level of conduct or sacrificed their character. Boy, am I happy that patience is one of my learned qualities?!

My hurt pride made me bluntly state a comment instead of asking the question and a call was promised back to me. The promised call back was returned in an hour which only gave me even more time to feed my hurt pride with more uncertainty and doubt.

Surprisingly, enough once I received the call back I had been totally wrong . A "sincere" response was given at the request and an inquiry would be done.  My closest confidant posed it with such respect, confidence, and the due importance.

Did you just notice how I stated that... "Surprisingly".  I still don't know my worth. I still don't see it. This was even said to me by my confidant. We will see what tomorrow brings.

Day 31 jan 31st friendships associates and the test of what's what

Tuesday, I walked in with a different attitude and it was obvious to everyone. It's not that because I had another option now and I didn't have my heart in this anymore. No, but I was relaxed, I was kinder, I was more empathetic and understanding compared to yesterday.

My attitude and reason for that attitude and it all seemed to be compared to the day before when I was truly stressed out. I was trying to make goal. What was so difficult to understand people, we have to hustle and hustle hard, people. My pride and name depended on it.

But today It was more like-I had another perspective on the present situation and maybe it can be different. I gathered my personal stuff and organized my desk and drawers. I cleaned out my doubts- so I thought I was going to make one of the hardest call in 8+ years. I was preparing to leave as if I had made the call already and I would literally be escorted out.  I was unsure how the ruling would be, what would be hoped for me, what would be the decision on the counterpart.

The interesting part is that I had even yet posed the situation.

My husband called me and asked so what have you decided.  I said I am going to choose it. The foreigner who was my authorative figure now didn't seem to be the kind that would take this kindly.  With all the fancy titles and the magnhi just didnt seem to pair up with this slight PERSONAL dilemna.  I didn't think I wanted to pose the whole give me or I am gone issue which is sooo NOT me.  I had a clear goal, a clear head, and mostly a clear heart. The latter being the most satisfactory, when you have no regrets.

I wasn't ready to go, I wasn't ready to move on, I hadn't been pressured or persecuted.  I hadn't been nothing, but offered a pretty sweet deal as of months ago.  I sat with a firm hold of my responsibilities and the new challenges were merely stepping stones for me.

But instead, I prepared for the worse and yet noone even knew.  My husband called me again and asked well have you called and accepted and I said, "No". He replies well don't you think you should do that first".  I was literally cowarding over the idea to pose the question and was mentally accepting the pat on the back over the unasked question.

What lead up to this moment? It began last week, when i received a call from a most unexpected source which stopped me in my.... Bubble bath, to be perfectly honest with you.

To totally get off the subject- That last statement has always caused me a bit of uneasiness. The words to be honest with you or I'm going to be honest with you- as if the introduction was your cue to be warned that the opposite wasn't going to take place if you hadn't been forewarned. When I hear those words it's actually my cue to tune out and precede with upmost cAution.

Well, I was knee deep in my suds- once again literally, and my time and attention was requested. Interestingly enough I have been so peaceful at a time where I am making a crucial decision one that I haven't had to make in 9 years.

So now what do I do? I think I have a great offer but why then do I still have doubts? Why am I concerned if this is the dream I have been dreaming?

I made the second call to what should of been my first call.  I proposed it as a 3rd person conversation, my closest associate said only a 3 word question that totally put everything in perspective and as much as I attempted to make it seem more definate and "chop, chop" as I describe her. It was the one question that changed everything. "What will be your role ?".


The ability to stand in the place I am at now and take a decision not based on fear, desperation, or discontentment is rather a great place. The peace that has followed me has been comforting and the assurance that good decisions are based on time and opportunity. 
Go for the gold...once again literally LOL!!!

Day 30 Monday, jan 30th decisions and choices

Out of an impossible, a possible has been achieved. I am in such awe I have no words. Buford team is the hardest working team I have ever known. We were at our goal with a surplus of $20.69. Not by much, but the fact that it was achieved was the reward.


A "matched" offer was made late in the day which was instantly amazingly inticing, but the terms had all of sudden changed, something has immediatedly changed the playing field. They needed me even more. Even as self-gratifying as that was, that fact made it easier to consider all the options with more caution.


I had expressed the sentiment that I would love to join but adamently cautioned that my loyalty still laid to my closest associate and they hadn't been informed. I appreciated the offer and requested patience as I prayed about the matter and it was granted without hesitation.  I called back rather with an unsettling question of the one detail that stood out like a sore thumb now. 

Hubby convinced me not to make a call to my closest associate (in rank and order) until tomorrow which was real hard to do.

Peace still accompanies me.

Day 29 Sundays are awesome and Amazon is pretty cool

Slept in until 11ish. Had a great talk with hubby about work decisions and choices. No rushing is required. I continue to feel excitement in my role and of the new challenges.

The hubby has been sick all weekend . Got stopped at the entrance of the subdivision by a young, good looking GCPD officer and fortunately didn't get a ticket for not having a seatbelt. I had the brake tail light out. Hubby changed IMMEDIATEDLY. Just so had a bulb 1357 in the GMC glove compartment.

The sun finally peaked out today. So thankful. Took the hubby to Chilis. Got my decision made about project life album and details. I also ordered my first batch online order of pictures, they were ready in 20 minutes.

Well let's get to bed so we can get Monday done...

my project life weekly folders.

The sun peeking through...

I actually read the instruction on how to use my THE CINCH machine.

Day 28 good times with family

Great times with my brothers and sisters in laws and my mom. My firstborn convincing himself and others about his new "adult life" step of getting an apartment. He' s giving up on his dream in theatre and going back to school. The latter I'm totally supportive and the previous I have my guidelines which don't coincide with the obviously more talented and all knowing 20 year old who surpasses my understanding of the field. The only sore area of our relationship.

I thoroughly believe that many of us who have the core values, entrepreneurial spirit, common sense have the elements and been gifted with the right timing which has allotted us great success by our skills and hard work. That is not mainly available to the generation that secedes us. As much as the opportunities are available today the schooling must be more evident. The titles and degrees so much more needed now than then...

Today, there alot more people looking and availible for any position and the market and climate of today is so much more pressured by settling for a job assignment than the demand.

Day 27 TGIF

I'm physically tired... still reviewing my options and aware that I received a call, that the call was made to me, not the opposite. I was not the one looking or calling. I am not desperate or failing. The calm that accompanies me is amazing. I think i understand the words of Simon Sinek, "Worrying is carrying the concern of what you don't want to happen." So true.

My closest associates remain in place. My mentor still with grace and grand skill lead the scattered multitude even at the exit stage.

@Naomi - totally gansta' style

Day 26 these greys have granted me some common sense

So I have 2 master degrees in my presence and the most important detail missing managed to be noticed by the only unstudied one present. Seriously?!

The second visit of the day was so much more gratifying.
The words made me gasp in teary eye happiness. Had he just said i want everyone to leave happy, not just some of them, but EVERYONE. Had I just walked into my dream? Is this what I have been reading about all this time? A total stranger and strangers seemed liked new best friends and I was in Utopia for the entire tour. The hour an a half conversation between old acquaintances was profound and fulfilling. An offer placed and a invitation welcomed.  I would hear the verdict next week.

Day 24 A most welcomed call from a most unexpected source

Excited to hear an voice from the past. Is this a tap on my shoulder? This is Tuesday an invitation to visit on Thursday.

Day 23 I will admit it I was kinda grouchy kinda being sarcastic

The weather pretty much dictated my mood today with rain and thunderstorms forecasted and definitely stormed threw Buford without let up.

I can pretty much take most of anything just NOT lies or people who can't just be who they are upfront. I kept thinking of the extreme pressure there is to make goal and the repercussions of not attaining it. At staff meeting when asked what we receive in achieving our goal. I straightforward responded without skipping a beat, "You maintain job security and less questioning by VP why production is low and manpower has not decreased". I toiled with that burden today.

Having less patience for the lazy or unmotivated.

Unexpected but well invited message, we will have to see pray on that one. Hmmm....

Day 22 they are paid and we paid

In 10 minutes we had an additional sale and talked to some nice people. Hanging on the "Whatcha talking about Willis" issue.

Day 21 all was NOT a loss today

I woke up exhausted but excited. Unfortunately, sat through a 4.25 hr silent tennis match for DREC....afterwards adrenaline pump with the auction. Tag lines of the night: "I want my shizzzz back". "that's us too!", "I'll stand in line now", "20 going for 25, 30, do i hear 35, 40....59..."and a couple more "I want my shizzz back". I noticed Gaby and I are super good for this stuff, we can handle the pressure with excitement of the conquest!

Day 20 emergens- C

Thank you honey. Payday, pay bills, and an extra

Day 19 nice day even being sick

So excited I left with no worries

Day 18 sick and miserable

I'm sick, but meigouzi managed to get on the masters' good side to receive some special treats...

Day 18 sick and miserable

Day 17 get ur done...

learning not to micromanage, discovering what type of manager I truly am, surprised at how quick I was today to voice my true feelings with principle and truth, and learning to ask is not a sign of weakness rather of intelligence. my job as the "boss lady"- to give out the balloons. Had a little precocious, 7ish girl as my front desk - who is the boss around here? He pointed to me and she said "really? she is nice!". Best compliment ever!!! Like my little escape corner. My charts are on track and my team is adjusting. Checking out pinterest thanks to my sister. Kids nightly text time is priceless. My Gaby is bullheaded, my Chris is my Oreo handshake. I love him and hubster is hanging in there with some wicked virus. I, I just need to sleep in ...someday. Actually looking forward to Thursday.

Day 1⃣6⃣ judge your decisions by one question

"What good can come from this?". (Simon sinek says this in a similar form) copied from him. I think it was real fitting for me and I will definitely use in my future choices. I have peace with my prevailing sista' , my PM sista' Seems like we are all learning and trying to stay afloat. I set up my new little corner and put up the BOARD. Getting excited in my new Thursday role and asking for all the help in all directions to be found. I am preparing my AGENDA and excited to see my place in DFC. Working stress free, smarter, quicker, and will use the correct tools as needed.

Day 1⃣5⃣ oh I forgot it was the weekend

I hope this week goes swiftly without any major drama. It's all a work in progress.

I came across a great saying by Jim Rohn on communication: "Learn to express, not impress". I may have to post that real close to my email send button.

Day 1⃣4⃣ scrappin ...story telling...something about a sock

Lazy morning woke op @ 12:30 ish. Started on projectlife, with my OCD, I know I will revamp it to another album and printed journaling rather than all my handwriting. I wish I wrote like Heidi Swapp. The dinner with the cousins was a success, looking forward to many more.

I have decided to not let anyone attempt to dampen my light. I will continue to be me. To learn to be strong and speak up.