Tuesday, I walked in with a different attitude and it was obvious to everyone. It's not that because I had another option now and I didn't have my heart in this anymore. No, but I was relaxed, I was kinder, I was more empathetic and understanding compared to yesterday.
My attitude and reason for that attitude and it all seemed to be compared to the day before when I was truly stressed out. I was trying to make goal. What was so difficult to understand people, we have to hustle and hustle hard, people. My pride and name depended on it.
But today It was more like-I had another perspective on the present situation and maybe it can be different. I gathered my personal stuff and organized my desk and drawers. I cleaned out my doubts- so I thought I was going to make one of the hardest call in 8+ years. I was preparing to leave as if I had made the call already and I would literally be escorted out. I was unsure how the ruling would be, what would be hoped for me, what would be the decision on the counterpart.
The interesting part is that I had even yet posed the situation.
My husband called me and asked so what have you decided. I said I am going to choose it. The foreigner who was my authorative figure now didn't seem to be the kind that would take this kindly. With all the fancy titles and the magnhi just didnt seem to pair up with this slight PERSONAL dilemna. I didn't think I wanted to pose the whole give me or I am gone issue which is sooo NOT me. I had a clear goal, a clear head, and mostly a clear heart. The latter being the most satisfactory, when you have no regrets.
I wasn't ready to go, I wasn't ready to move on, I hadn't been pressured or persecuted. I hadn't been nothing, but offered a pretty sweet deal as of months ago. I sat with a firm hold of my responsibilities and the new challenges were merely stepping stones for me.
But instead, I prepared for the worse and yet noone even knew. My husband called me again and asked well have you called and accepted and I said, "No". He replies well don't you think you should do that first". I was literally cowarding over the idea to pose the question and was mentally accepting the pat on the back over the unasked question.
What lead up to this moment? It began last week, when i received a call from a most unexpected source which stopped me in my.... Bubble bath, to be perfectly honest with you.
To totally get off the subject- That last statement has always caused me a bit of uneasiness. The words to be honest with you or I'm going to be honest with you- as if the introduction was your cue to be warned that the opposite wasn't going to take place if you hadn't been forewarned. When I hear those words it's actually my cue to tune out and precede with upmost cAution.
Well, I was knee deep in my suds- once again literally, and my time and attention was requested. Interestingly enough I have been so peaceful at a time where I am making a crucial decision one that I haven't had to make in 9 years.
So now what do I do? I think I have a great offer but why then do I still have doubts? Why am I concerned if this is the dream I have been dreaming?
I made the second call to what should of been my first call. I proposed it as a 3rd person conversation, my closest associate said only a 3 word question that totally put everything in perspective and as much as I attempted to make it seem more definate and "chop, chop" as I describe her. It was the one question that changed everything. "What will be your role ?".
The ability to stand in the place I am at now and take a decision not based on fear, desperation, or discontentment is rather a great place. The peace that has followed me has been comforting and the assurance that good decisions are based on time and opportunity.
Go for the gold...once again literally LOL!!!
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