my only moment of doubt

The single moment of doubt I had yesterday. I will admit it, I was flying high all day. Feeling empowered, feeling rewarded, feeling confident, finally the moment of recognition and appreciation. Then all of sudden this single twitter post made me quiver in doubt for about 5 minutes.

  All of sudden I felt like Bella in New Moon, when Edward callously tells her. "I don't want you to come" and,,,,, she responds in a small voice, "You don't". The camera shot is perfect, it goes close and makes her seem small and helpless. I relived that whole scene from the confident, "I'm coming" to the defensiveless, doubtful girl who just realized everything she believed in, everything she was so sure of was suddenly the complete opposite. Her response in defense to the little bit of pride left in her is "well that changes everything". The whole scene staged perfectly, the camera looks up to a glowing, stern faced Edward and the goes down and dark to emphasize the depth of feeling and difference between both, it was clear who was in control and who wasn't. Who was the stronger one and who was left out in the cold. I was in pain as I heard my heart doubting my brain and felt Edward attempting to convince me of something whether i knew it i may not be so.

For about 5 minutes I felt this way. I was driving my familiar trip home but instantly felt like walls were caving in and I was literally gasping in doubt. I questioned myself..."oh boy, did I make the right choice?". Have I not just read Jon Acuff's Quitter book. Have I not been listening to how to go from your day-job to your dream job. Come on! Was this not the cue? the tap on the shoulder, the heavens opening up and saying...here it is... the almighty One himself saying..."Here it is, your golden opportunity". Have I not been rambling on and about every single Dave Ramsey podcast about EntreLeadership and Jim Collins from GOOD TO GREAT. Did I just make a big mistake? ... Then one simple fact reminded me that I had done the right thing. Jon Acuff declined a job opportunity from Dave Ramsey on 3 occasions because he was well aware that the proposition that was given, though an excellent opportunity was not exactly where he wanted "to be" at that moment. By taking the position at that time he was sacrificing what truly his "dream" was to be. My reasoning mirrored his words, it's Not that I would not absolutely love to be where the opportunity offered to me, but it undetermined factor of what exactly what my ROLE would be at the place I would love to be was not clear. It's the whole package. It's the clearly defined role that makes us excellent in our goals. Its what we use our experience and harness our passion to develop our dream and perfect our dream job. If i am trying to perfect someone else goals and have the skills to perfect that for them, then I have achieved their goals, NOT my own.

I was presented with an beautiful opportunity and when I say beautiful I mean "a dream come true". The decision to be made was immensely impacting, but the consequence of one choice was completely unknown. I ask myself was I a coward? Or realistic? I am a dreamer, surpassing a challenge is my middle name.

So why did i choose the way I did? Sometimes the red clay dirt is better to play in than being surprised days later with the poison ivy rash that lurks amongst the tall green luscious grass. I'm a country girl from Georgia I've known both my whole life. Jim Collins says decision should be totally based on the information gathered, the more information the more your choice will be based on facts, rather than emotion. I based my decision on facts, not emotions.